This morning I started my bowel prep. I took 3 glasses of Metamucil today. It was awful. It tasted ok, but the texture was gag-worthy and it made me sick to my stomach, made me sweat, gave me stomach cramps, and a headache. I’m not looking forward to 3 more days of this.
This evening I picked up the foods/liquids I need to start my clear liquid diet tomorrow morning. It was then that it hit me that tomorrow when I wake up, it will be just 3 days until my surgery. Then the permanence of this surgery hit me like a brick. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I knew that it was permanent and I took that into account when deciding whether to move forward with this surgery. However, the permanence of it didn’t truly hit me until tonight. Then I had my first real moment of “what am I doing?”
Don’t get me wrong, I still know this is absolutely the right decision for me. But the seriousness and permanence of the surgery had not truly hit me until now. I think it’s because I have worked toward this for so long, 2 years now, that it’s seemed so distant and a “what-if” for so long that the reality never sunk in until I realized how very close surgery actually is now.