Tag Archives: anticipation

Anticipation

My surgery is tomorrow morning! I have to be at the hospital in 22 hours. I will be in bed in about 11 hours. I’m so full of anticipation. I don’t know if my excitement has ever been higher. I literally can’t sit still. I keep finding things around the house to do, last minute tasks that need completing, because I just can’t settle. I feel weak from not having had food in 3 days, but my energy is high from adrenaline. It’s a weird feeling.

My bag is packed except for my last minute items. I need to take a shower tonight with my special soap before I go to bed. I set aside clean pajamas for tonight to make sure I would have something absolutely clean to wear the night before surgery after my special shower. I have to shower again in the morning with the special soap before I leave for the hospital. I have, I think, enough popsicles and broth to last the day, though I am low on Jello. But I think I’ll be able to get through the day.

I painted my toenails yesterday, red to match my fingers. I was told by my hospital that having my nails done was fine, which I was super excited about. Here’s what my fingers look like:

 

Now it’s just a waiting game. Waiting for the next 11 hours to pass. Hoping I can sleep tonight through the anticipation and excitement. Waiting through the early morning tomorrow. Waiting at the hospital tomorrow. Waiting. Waiting. But soon, oh so soon, my life will change for the better! I am so ready!!

Ups and Downs, but mostly Ups

I found this weight loss graph online and it really shows what it’s been like for me in my weight loss journey. I have great weight losses, and then I binge and my weight shoots up. Then I’m good for a few days and it goes back down again. And while the overall progression is downward, it’s always discouraging when my weight is up.

Today, my weight is up again. I binged yesterday. I can’t seem to get my binging under control. I try so darn hard. I eat well for a day or a few days and then, the cravings hit and overwhelm me and I haven’t figured out yet how to overcome them. I’ve tried distracting. I’ve tried sitting with the feeling and trying to figure out what causes the cravings (I haven’t figured that out yet), I’ve tried everything I can think of, but so far nothing has worked. And today, I am discouraged, because the scale shows me up almost 4 pounds.

It’s frustrating how I can shoot up 4 pounds in one day, but it takes several days to work that back off. Why can’t I lose as quickly as I gain?

In non-weight-loss-journey news, I can’t wait for Christmas. All my gifts are bought and I can’t wait to see people open their presents. That’s my favorite part. I love to buy gifts for people and I love to see their reactions when you get them the perfect gift. I’m bursting with excitement for the holiday. To spend time with my family. To see my sister that I don’t get to see very often. To play games and chat and hang out. Christmas is my favorite holiday.

**I also changed my theme for Christmas**