Tag Archives: hope

My Meeting with the Surgeon

I met with my new surgeon yesterday. I loved him! He was so helpful and friendly and open. I went in so nervous that something would go wrong because I had such a horrible encounter with the last surgeon, but I couldn’t have asked for a better meeting. He addressed all my questions, even my silly ones.

He did an upper GI while I was there and was pleased with what he saw. He saw nothing that would complicate the surgery. Since I recently had a sleep study and already know I have sleep apnea, I don’t need to worry about that aspect.

My next steps are to get the psych eval and to get medical clearance from my doctor. I called my doctor and left a message for her letting her know she needs to send a letter of medical clearance for the surgery. I got a call from the psychiatrist they work with yesterday afternoon and they set me up for an appointment on May 8th. They said it’s a 2-3 hour assessment, and then I’ll come back the following week to discuss the report they’ll send to the surgeon. Then, assuming I pass the psych eval, and then send the report around the 15th or 16th, it takes about 30 days, the surgeon said, for my insurance to approve the surgery. He said we could be looking at surgery in mid- to late-June.

Things are finally moving forward, and so quickly! I’m so excited!

 

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Weight Fluctuations

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This is an actual screenshot of my weight graph from MyFitnessPal. As you can see, there WAS a downward trend. However, lately, there’s been an upward trend. I’m really struggling to eat right, and the holiday didn’t help any. I didn’t take any leftovers home, but I do have pie and cookies in the house. I’m still tracking what I eat, but my calorie totals haven’t been good lately.

I’m hoping tomorrow will be better. I need to get back on track. Today’s famage is already done, I’ve already blown through more than today’s allotment of calories. But tomorrow I’ll start fresh. I’ll eat healthier.

I feel overwhelmed and a little lost. So many times I’ve tried to lose weight and this is the pattern every time. I’m not good at continued follow-through. I start strong and then fizzle. I feel like I’ve fizzled. However, I’m not giving up this time like I normally do. I have a goal in sight and one way or another, I’m going to get there.

Bariatric Shakes

It may be premature, but last night, I requested samples for protein shakes from a few different bariatric shake companies. I’ve been reading a lot about other people who are in the liquid only phase of their pre-op diets or are in the shake phase of their post-op diet and it made me really curious about the tastes of the various bariatric shakes that are available. So, I did some research and I found a few companies that give samples, and I asked for samples from a few that don’t explicitly offer them (I have no idea whether they’ll send any). I plan on comparing everything I get and keeping a list on Evernote so when the time comes that I need them, I already know what I like and what I don’t.

My plan is just to replace a meal with a shake so I’m not adding extra calories to my meal plan. I’m really excited for this experiment. I have no idea how long the samples will take to arrive. Knowing most companies, probably 4-6 weeks. I’ll keep you all updated on my discoveries.

On the Struggle Bus

I am struggling. Oh my word am I struggling. The last two days I have binged and my calories for the day have been near 4,000 each day. I don’t know what’s going on, and I don’t know how to fix it, other than to just try my hardest not to binge again today.

This is not a good start to losing 15 pounds by my appointment in January. I need to get back on the calorie deficit train and off the calorie-glutted train. I need one of those railroad switches that changes which track you’re on. I’m on the binge track and I need to get back on the 1,800 calorie or less track.

I am thinking of making a list of distractions and, if I feel like binging, trying things from the list first until the feeling (hopefully) passes. Do you have any suggestions for distractions I can add to my list?

Disappointment

Tonight I binged again. I hadn’t planned to. However, I went to the store to get food for Thanksgiving and while I was there, on a whim, picked up binge food. I am so disappointed in myself. I’ve been trying so hard to be good. Trying so hard to eat well and stay under my calorie goal. Yet here I am, having binged again. I was so hoping the Vyvanse would fix this problem, but maybe it doesn’t work like that. I don’t know. It doesn’t seem to be doing anything at all. I’m so nervous that when I go into my dietitian’s appointment after Thanksgiving I will have gained weight instead of lost. I wish I had a scale so I knew what my weight is doing, but I’ll have to wait until I get paid again. It’s possibly weight gain and possibly just paranoia, but I feel like all my clothes fit more tightly despite staying on track 6 out of 7 days of the week the last 2 weeks.

As disappointed as I am, I saw this image in my news feed tonight and I have hope for tomorrow. Tomorrow can be different. Tomorrow I can make better choices. Tomorrow is my chance for change.

Letting go of shame

Last night, I posted that I was struggling with the urge to binge. Well, I did end up binging. This led, inevitably, to shame and guilt. I was really hard on myself.

This morning, I was still feeling bad about the binge when I remembered, wait, I’ve been following this meal plan for half a week, and I’ve been on this weight loss journey for just 2 weeks. I’m brand new at this, of course I’m going to have slip ups. I’ve had years and years of building bad habits, it’s going to take time to break them. It’s time to give myself grace, while also getting back on track and not wallowing in my shame and guilt. Today is a new day, I can start back on my meal plan right now and keep moving forward, keep working toward health and wellness. I will make today count.

I got the referral!

I got a call from my doctor’s office today. I got the referral for bariatric surgery! They said I should be hearing from the weight loss clinic in the next few days to set up the initial appointment. I’m so relieved and excited! I feel like this is actually going to happen!