Mini Triumphs

I met with my dietitian today. I’m only down 2 and a half pounds for the entire month of January. I was very discouraged going in, but my dietitian was very encouraging and uplifting. She encouraged me to just keep doing what I’m doing, but to watch my sodium levels. She confirmed that if I gained 5 pounds overnight that it’s probably just bloating and that it I watch my sodium and drink more water, it should come off pretty easily.

Needless to say, though, that losing only 2 and a half pounds for the entire month was very discouraging. However, I’m not giving up. I’ve come too far. I’ve worked too hard. I will get there even if I have to struggle and fight for every pound, which right now I do.  If I continue to only lose 2 and a half pounds a month, it will take me 22 months to qualify for the surgery. That sounds like forever away, so I definitely hope that I start losing faster, and I also hope this other surgeon is able to help me sooner than the first surgeon.

Whatever happens, though, I’m not giving up. I’m determined. I’ve committed to this journey.

Looking into other options

So the surgeon I had selected won’t do the surgery until my BMI is below 60. I started at a BMI of 72.2. That left me with 77 pounds to lose on my own before the surgery. I have lost about 30 so far, so I still have about 47 to go. That’s almost 50 pounds to lose without the aid of the surgery. Now, if I could consistently and persistently lose the weight on my own, I wouldn’t need the surgery in the first place, so asking me to lose almost 80 pounds before getting the surgery is a little ridiculous to me. It also feels super daunting and discouraging much of the time. Especially this week, when my eating has been horrible and I’ve regained in a week everything I lost this whole month.

So, today, I called another surgeon. I have medicaid, so not many bariatric surgeons take my insurance, therefore I don’t have a lot to work with, but I did manage to find one other surgeon who takes my insurance. I called them today and they won’t even see me for a consultation until I’ve finished my 6 months of medically supervised weight loss. I have just over 2 months left. Then my weight loss doctor has to fax over their notes, and then the surgeon’s office will call me for a consultation. So, as of this moment, I don’t know what the other surgeon’s policy’s are, whether they have a limit for BMI for the surgery, or anything else I would like to ask. However, I’m willing to wait the two months I would have to wait for a surgery no matter where I get it (because my insurance requires that 6 months of supervised weight loss) if that means there is a hope of not having to wait until September or later just to get approved for the next step in the process to get surgery. So, here’s hoping this surgeon will work with me at a higher BMI than the other surgeon. Wish me luck, and renewed focus as I try to lose what weight I can in the next 2 months.

Sunday Weigh-In: 1/22/2017

My liquid diet has had some bumps in the road. I forgot to take my Vyvanse one day and and ended up binging. The next day, I was out with a friend, we went to the Butterfly Pavilion, and she invited me out to lunch. I have such a hard time turning people down when they offer me food or invite me out to eat. And so, I went out to lunch with her. However, I’m back on track. I’ll be sticking to the liquid diet until Wednesday or Friday. I haven’t decided yet.

While last week I finished sorting through all the boxes in the office, this week I went through all the boxes in other parts of the house. I’m now officially done sorting through boxes. However, I have 4 stacks of boxes in my living room now. I need to move 2 of those into the office. The other 2 if stuff we’re getting rid of.

This week I weigh in at 428.2. That’s almost 32 pounds! And that means that I have 45.2 pounds left to go before I qualify for surgery. I just need to lose 6.7 more pounds and I’ll be halfway to my goal.

On the agenda this week: Tomorrow I’m babysitting the twins. Tomorrow is also the first day of school. Friday I meet with my counselor.

Beginning weight: 460
Last weight: 431.2
Current weight: 428.2

Liquid diet

I didn’t take my Vyvanse yesterday and I binged badly.  I weight in this morning having gained back the 4 pounds I lost all of last week, which means I’m only down 2 pounds for this entire month so far. That is troublesome. I need to lose about 12 pounds a month to make my goals, and I’m 10 pounds behind.

So, starting tomorrow, I’m going on a liquid diet. Just for about a week, but for the next week, I will be having 3 protein shakes a day and water and that’s all. Hopefully that’ll kickstart my weight loss again and help me to lose what I gained plus a little more.

I have a variety pack of WonderSlim protein shakes plus a box each of chocolate and vanilla. I also have a whole bag of Big Train Fit Frappe vanilla flavor (which is amazing!) so I have enough protein powder to last a little over a week if I drink 3 a day. I will also work to drink at least 100 oz a day of water.

Sunday Weigh-In: 1/15/2017

Sorry for being so quiet this week. I’ve been super busy this week between cleaning out my storage room and babysitting my niece and nephew. The extra room in my house had been converted to a storage room last year when we took all the stuff out of a couple storage units, things from my late grandmother, late sister, and just stuff we’ve accumulated over the years.

This last week, we’ve been going through it, separating things that needed to be trashed, from stuff that could be donated, from stuff we wanted to keep. It was a huge success and now the storage room can be used as an office, as was originally intended.

I also babysat my niece and nephew on Wednesday for 7 hours. That was a lot of fun. We read the same few books over and over and over again. The joys of being almost 3 and easily entertained.

This week of hard labor (moving all those boxes was hard work, especially with how many of them were full of books) left my fibromyalgia flaring up pretty badly this weekend. Yesterday morning I was so weak and sore that I literally couldn’t stand up from my bed. So, I went back to sleep for a couple hours and felt a little better after that, but spent most of yesterday just resting.

Last night my insomnia was terrible and I didn’t sleep at all. I normally wouldn’t be up yet, but after over 6 hours of trying to sleep, I gave up and got out of bed.

Today I weigh in at 431.2. That’s down almost 29 pounds! I have 48.2 pounds left to lose to qualify for the surgery. It feels forever away. It feels impossible. But I know that if I quit now, I’ll never get anywhere, and that all I can do is keep doing what I’m doing. Losing 77 pounds on my own seems like such an impossible task. But I’m determined to qualify for that surgery sooner or later. Even if it takes me to the end of the year, I’m going to do it.

On the agenda this week: babysit tomorrow, chores/errands Tuesday, appointment with my psychiatrist on Wednesday, appointment with my counselor on Thursday, hopefully go to the butterfly pavilion with a friend on Friday. Then one last weekend to relax before school starts next Monday.

Beginning weight: 460
Last weight: 435.8
Current weight: 431.2

Sunday Weigh-in 1/8/17

Now, first of all, I just want to say that I had zero idea that a 3 gallon tub of ice cream weighed so much. Also, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a 3 gallon tub of ice cream.

My protein shake samples have been starting to arrive. I’m reviewing one a day over on instagram, so if you don’t follow me over there, head on over and check them out (link at the top of the page, “Where else can you find me?”). Once I’m done trying them all, I’ll come on here and make a summary of the best and worst ones for you.

So this was my first full week on the new higher dosage of Vyvanse and I can definitely tell a difference. I didn’t have any binges this week. I wasn’t mind-hungry or preoccupied with food like I normally am. This made it pretty easy to stay within my calorie goal each day. For the first part of the week, I felt like the weight just wasn’t coming off regardless. I worked out 4 times this week and even doing that and staying within my goal I didn’t seem to be losing. I was discouraged, but for once I didn’t say “screw it” and eat a bunch of junk food to make myself feel better.

Then, slowly, the weigh started to come off. 0.6 pounds here, 0.4 pounds there, but it started coming off, and now I’m down almost 4 pounds from my last official weigh-in. If I can keep up that momentum, I will be able to lose enough weight to qualify for the surgery at the same time I finish my medically supervised weight loss at the end of March.

My goals for this week are to stay within my calorie goal, to drink 100 oz of water a day, and to work out 4-5 times.

Beginning weight: 460
Last weight: 439.6
Current weight: 435.8

Updates on my road to surgery

I saw my weight loss doctor today. I was down 6 pounds from when I saw her last. Not as much as I’d hoped when I initially set the appointment, but I’m satisfied with that after the rough time I had with Christmas.

She informed me that I’m halfway through my 6-month mandatory doctor-managed weight loss period. This is a 6-month period my insurance requires me to work with a weight loss doctor for them to pay for my weight loss surgery. It was so encouraging to hear that I’m already halfway through it! I still have 37 pounds to lose to be eligible for the surgery. That’s 12.46 pounds a month in the next 3 months if I’m going to finish at the same time as I finish my required 6 month weight loss period. I don’t know if I can lose 12.46 pounds a month, but my original goal for January was to lose 10 pounds so that’s only 2.46 pounds more than that each month.

I have finally incorporated exercise into my routine. I had been “working on” doing it for the last few months, but hadn’t actually gotten around to doing it. However, I have worked out 3 time now, and 2 times so far this week. I am starting slow, I haven’t worked out in over a year. I could only do 10 minutes on my stationary bike my first time. However, I did 15 minutes yesterday and am going to try to bump it up to 20 minutes today.

If I can lose those 25 pounds in the next 2 months, I will schedule my follow up appointment with my surgeon for early April. I will be done with my required 6 months by then, and will be either eligible for the surgery or very close to the weight I need to be at for surgery by then. Then I can start setting up my appointments with the psychiatrist and the bariatric nutritionist, which both need to happen before the surgery. I’ll get more information on those when I meed with my surgeon in April. My biggest fear is going through all this work and not getting cleared by the psychiatrist for surgery. That would devastate me. I don’t actually know what would cause him or her to say I don’t qualify and I’m sure I’ll do fine, but I still worry. I’m looking forward to meeting with the bariatric nutritionist to get more information on my pre-op and post-op diets and when I need to start the pre-op one and for how long it will be. I’ve seen them run the gamut of 5 days before surgery to several month before surgery. I’m hoping I just need the standard 2 week liquid pre-op diet, but we’ll see. We shall see.

New Year’s Eve Weekend

Saturday afternoon I went over to my brothers’ apartment. On the way I stopped to pick up the ingredients for homemade tacos and some wine. I spent the rest of the day playing video games with my brothers, drinking wine, and eating delicious tacos. Both brothers petered out before midnight (one of them gets up at 4:30am for work) but I stayed up to see in the new year.

Yesterday, my siblings and I went to see Rogue One, the new Star Wars movie. It started out disjointed and a little confusing, but it really came together and I thought it was great overall. I had posted before about my dilemma as to whether or not to get popcorn at the theater. I ultimately decided against it, and that allowed me to stay within my calorie goal for the day. After the movie, my family gathered at my sister’s place for 2nd Christmas and to celebrate my mom’s birthday. This sister was out of town (visiting her in-laws) over Christmas, so we all gave her and her family their presents, had lunch/dinner (It was at like 3pm), and had cupcakes for my mom’s birthday. We also watched the Broncos game, and I was very excited to watch them beat the Raiders. I’m so sad that Kubiak retired.

On Instagram, I’m participating in a January fitness challenge. Today’s challenge is to post 4 goals for January. I’ll share them below.

goals

Upcoming: I meet with the weight loss doctor on Wednesday and my primary care physician a week from today. I may have accidentally found out what’s going on with my skin! I haven’t talked about this before, but I get these tiny, itchy blisters on my hands from time to time. Through an unrelated google search, I learned that it may be dyshidrotic eczema. The description and pictures I found look just like what I get. I will talk to my doctor about it next week.

Saturday Weigh-in

I normally do my weigh-ins on Sunday, but I will sleeping over at my brothers’ place tonight and have a full day scheduled tomorrow with my family, so I won’t be able to weigh in tomorrow morning like usual. So, I am doing my official weigh-in today.

The last 2 weeks have been rough. While I am down a pound from my last official weigh-in 2 weeks ago, in those 2 weeks I also gained and re-lost 9 pounds. That was really hard on my psyche and my motivation. However, I am down a pound from my last weigh in and that feels good. It’s definitely not where I wanted to be, but it’s so much better than being up 9 pounds like I was after Christmas.

I am going to my brothers’ tonight for festivities and there will be homemade tacos and I will probably have a couple and it will be many calories, but I’ve come to terms with the fact that one day of breaking out of my calorie goal isn’t going to send me spiraling or mess up my overall weight loss. I can enjoy something special on a special occasion like New Year’s Eve and not let it freak me out like it used to.

Tomorrow we’re going to a movie, my whole family. I haven’t decided whether or not to let myself get popcorn. On the one hand, I rarely see movies so a popcorn once in a while shouldn’t hurt too much. On the other hand, that’s a lot of empty calories that I just don’t need. We’ll see. I don’t know yet.

Beginning weight: 460
Last weight: 440.6
Current weight: 439.6